Showing posts with label first sentence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first sentence. Show all posts

Friday, August 6, 2010

My first sentence

I found this post from patricia stoltey killer-first-sentences about how the first sentence can draw readers in or repel them forever.
I think mine needs help..I know mine needs attention.

The day begins lazily as I sit quietly in my warm, sunny window seat, watching the trees sway in the warm April breeze.

From here, the story heats up, but not sure, maybe I could just get rid of the whole sentence altogether...

Help?!

Editing in first paragraph...maybe it will make more sense with the rest..

The day begins lazily as I sit quietly in my warm, sunny window seat, watching the trees sway in the

warm April breeze. My legs luxuriously stretch out on the dark blue, velvety padding. My silky night

shirt clings to my body. Taking in the scenery of the neighborhood so alive outside, my eyes wander,

as usual, down to the driveway of the new neighbor. The sight of him causes my breath to catch and

my pulse quickens slightly.

The flash of the sun glinting off the just waxed hood of my neighbor’s obvious pride and joy, a black

Charger, almost blinds me. I blink several times and upon recovering my wits, find my eyes on a pair

of rock hard calves, following them up to a perfectly chiseled ass in a low cut pair of red gym shorts.

His overworked abs flex and pull as he reaches over the hood to grab a towel.



Please be kind :)